being perfect

we at LWA had a “photo shoot” thing the other day. first time for me. Brad, who does our photo and design and his team worked hard, did great.

the whole picture thing is not natural for me, im not a limelight person. but i write because i think i tapped into something deeper about me yesterday at “the photo shoot”

i not only fail to be one of those “picture perfect women”, i dont think i really  want to be? its not a fear. its a choice…………..

it was all about my hair…

i got the call to come take photos. i had just gotten my hair colored and had new aveda smoother products. AH! perfect!, i thought. i can be a perfect hair woman. i did the hair and makeup. all perfect like, highlights, shine, volume etc. and it felt….perfect.

not me. 

i live in chicago, and it was a cold and windy out (perfect hair ruin weather), so i walked to my photo shoot and did not bring a comb. hence, unperfect but clean and healthy messy hair. !

and so, i felt more like me. i wore a black tshirt, jewelry i love. and katie made me laugh and i felt like me in the pics. but i did not feel like other suburban women. i never do.  i dont look like any women on book covers, and certainly not gorgeous women in magazines-knew that.  i dont look like anchor women, or nature women, or sultry sexy women. for some reason part of me triggers into feeling like i should…….

and then it hit me as i walked home. i had my chance to be perfect hair lady, and  i messed it up. why?

for katie and sylvia and chris and debi and tricia and women i dont yet know, and me and my values i live by.

you see, i blog and i talk about love without agenda, about being measured by who we are inside. and you know that EVERY woman on this planet struggles with measuring up physically….even super models. it just doesnt matter. we want to be desired. we want to feel beautiful and loved. its not bad, the way we are created. men want to be desired too. all good,– IF– it fulfills itself correctly-which is a bit of a human struggle i’d say. but can we even hope to fulfill our desire correctly when we dont even desire ourselves?

the desire is not bad, the action is bad is when we measure ourselves against others, as i did yesterday and every day before and even now. i look at those “mirrors” of other women as my measure and so, i never measure up. oh im not against beauty and beautiful women and great pictures, that would be wrong thinking. i must love anothers beauty but not use it as a measure stick.

how can i tell young girls that they are accepted even if they  are “not perfect” if i create in me a mirror for them of the very same struggle. ? for their sake and mine, i need to be happily me. i am all for health and trying your best, this is not about excuses to be less than we can.

i want to mirror a healthy, authentic way to be at a personal best, and way to look more upon our insides and enjoy our outsides…. a part of what we around here call: love without agenda.

Tags: authenticity, Culture, health, perfect