We at LWA have been in “moving mode” for a month or so now.

oh there’s a lot that we want to write about on our “moving from the suburbs to the city experience”:
change-growth-home-challenge-creativity-people-diversity-needs-letting go-working hard…….

but for today I just wanted to share some of our “thrifty fun” ideas.

Whether rich or poor, we are committed to using monies wisely, trying to recycle, repurpose, DIY, work hard with our own hands and live on less. This takes us a wonderful world of creative and collaborative people, which is super inspiring. For me it feels “healthy” and somehow “right”. I even discover more creativity inside of my own self when in this space.

In the past month we have:

-taken our old poker table..and made it into Spencer’s desk, using only a saw, screwdriver, strong arms and our secret tool: industrial velcro !

-took an old piece of barnwood that we found and made it into a table with: sandpaper, wipe on polyurethane, random pieces of .25 cent wood from ikea’s clearance section, hairpin legs from hairpinlegs.com, power driver and secret tool: gorilla glue.

-painted and painted with $1.00 quarts and $5.00 gallons of “oops” paint from home depot. If you ever visit, I hope you like my red front door and green back door.

–still working on making our tree stump into a side table, a handy item that will hold memories of the teen boys learning to split wood.

–also in the works is Spencer’s office “think wall” painted with dry erase paint. will be cool.

We buy everything off of craig’s list. we meet some great people there. yes, there are always scammers to sift through, but after that wall we find good people working hard to make a home, just like us. often, helping people requires a long reach, stretch or bend. to stretch our self for the sake of another is good for us too.

most of our own stuff we give away or large items sell at a deal. working with so many folks in need keeps us in a cycle of giving which never ceases to melt and mold my heart. we have watched so many people take what was “garbage” and gratefully and creatively make it new.

one mom took these super large quilted brightly colored furniture pads and made them into bed spreads for her kids in her trailer home, a bag of tshirts she took to make into bedding and pillow cases. a dad who lost his job took our work lights to do car repair at night for extra money. his wife took all of our books and vhs tapes to help herself learn english, her son joyfully took our old golf clubs to teach himself the sport, her daughters took my old yarn, jewelry and stationery. we learned that the stuff no one wants can be recycled. scrap metal folks work super hard collecting old appliances and metals for a few bucks.

…….go, give something sitting in your storage away to another……..

smiles give more than money ever can.

———–

yesterday my son and i got our hair cut from salon students for free, and gave a good tip of course; we are thrifty but not cheap. serving me are people working hard to learn a trade. salonapprentice.com is a place where students who are offering services while learning place ads. craigs list has some too. big cities do better than rural areas. we are located in chicago…hair student heavan.

afterwards we picked up a 400.00 Crate and Barrel like new desk for 100.00 from a helpful and charming couple who are moving to Spain.

chicago is rich in stores to help with thrifty finds, here are a tiny few:

if you like anthropolgie’s cool vintage jewelry, but not the price tag or would rather recycle check out : VINTAGE UNDERGROUND in chicago’s wicker park on north avenue. 10.00 vintage jewelry heavan. i took super cool clip on earrings ($6.00, picture above) and converted them to a french wire for pierced ears…with pliers, french wires from old earrings and in just ten seconds was done. Fun staff working the floor. They also had old globes, old typewriters, books, shoes, hats, mirrors, hanging lamps and more.

PANDORA’S BOX in wilmette, illinois (just north of the city) was super fun. Searching for a vintage picture frame with my son, we found this charming old house / shop/ filled with vintage books, tables, rugs, mirrors, candle holders, lamps, pictures, chairs, shelves and odds and ends. Super creative and fun owner added much joy to our time at Pandora’s Box. We found a cool frame for his cool old map of france and a cool book. Think he is going back to get the 20.00 old wooden pink chair.

After Pandora’s we stopped by ROOST in Chicago’s Andersonville on Clark street. Super cool vintage for home and kitchen stuff fills the place. Jake got a butter knifes, a yellow stripe short sleeve sweater and a cool book. Roost has lots of old kitchenware, chairs, industrial tables, globes, typewriters and a lot of science lab stuff like glass beakers to repurpose as vases and whatever. They made cool hanging lampshades from old baskets and necklaces from string and nuts ( hex nuts, like nuts and bolts). Cool, creative owner……..of course.

um, go next door and get a ham sandwich. if your not hungry… get one for later or for your friend.

The real fun part of our thrifty days comes with the thoughts shared in conversation sparked by the people we met or the atmosphere they created. Over just 2 days my sons and i talked about: lifes needs and wants, college and studies, living with moderation, personal- local and global change, blessings, how much money makes life good or bad, managing money, valuing people, taking notice of people, becoming your own self, balancing personal strengths, the bible as literature and in differing perspectives, teaching others…and more. together we worked at moving stuff and making stuff for our new home. we ate new foods and met new nice people as well as crabby people. i was encouraged and learned a lot just by observing my sons and others, in actions where no words were spoken.

every moment every person can create

I am inspired by creative people and challenged by my own kids in the midst of the challenges brought to me by my thrifty moving days.

Almost every comedian that you or I have ever seen on TV or heard in a comedy club lists Bill Hicks as one of the most influential comedians ever. Bill sadly died of cancer in 1994, but is still widely known as a special funnyman and human being in general. Bill Hick’s signature bit was called, “It’s Just a Ride” where he talks about life and seeing people and the world with either fear or love. It’s a poignant, almost non-comedic end to his 1993 HBO Special “Revelations.”

Bill was a man who struggled and fought many demons throughout his life, but in this bit he shows a way to see the world and how to cure some of the things that ail us all. We hope that you choose to reject fear and to be love to all of the people around you whether they are easy or difficult to love. We always have a choice between fear and love.

It’s just a ride.

For more information about Bill:
http://www.billhicks.com
http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Bill_Hicks
There is a documentary of his life coming out soon called “American: The Bill Hicks Story”

If anyone out there still hasn’t at least skimmed Seth Godin’s landmark book “Tribes” please run out and do so immediately. Seth Godin has become one of the leading people in the world at seeing how the present is shaping the future—and in his book Tribes, he talks about how small, medium or even gigantic Tribes, are shaping the future. Apple fanboys are a tribe, tv.WineLibrary.com is a tribe, TED is a tribe, the Church is a tribe, shoot even Al Qaeda is a tribe. Tribes happen because “people” (read leaders) see something that can be better, something that is incomplete or something that your passionate about and those leaders (plus a small cadre of friends and like-minded cohorts) laud, sweat, work for, beg, borrow, and or steal to make that change or progress happen.

One prerequisite for being a leader of a tribe seems to be being a heretic on at least one level or another. Now I know that the overwhelming majority of people that just read the word heretic, their minds just ran to their favorite Church leader they like to bash or someone who’s theology they don’t line up with. But a quick trip to Dictionary.com reveals that a heretic is (probably better abstractly described as…)

her-e-tic [n. her-i-tik; adj. her-i-tik, huh-ret-ik]
3. anyone who does not conform to an established attitude, doctrine, or principle.

These are the leaders people LOVE to throw rocks at. Steve Jobs is a heretic, Barack Obama is a heretic (don’t quote that out of context please…), Twitter is a heretic, and Madonna is a heretic too. These innovators assembled a movement of similarly minded people and road that wave to making the change they (and their Tribe) were so desperately looking for.

Here are a couple of Seth Godin quotes to help frame what I’m talking about:

“If your a middle-of-the-roader you don’t bother joining a tribe”

“The market is now way less impressed with average stuff for average people…Today the market wants change. The market demands change.”

“Leaders lead when…they connect with their tribes—and when they help their tribe connect with themselves”

“Heretics are the new leaders, the ones who challenge the status quo. Who get out in front of their tribes, who create movements. The marketplace now rewards and embraces the heretics. … and for the first time it’s profitable, powerful, and productive. This shift might be bigger than you think. Suddenly, heretics, troublemakers and change agents aren’t merely thorns in our side they are the keys to our success.”

So, if your reading this, you might ask, “Okay great, that’s wonderful that they were able to take their platform, but how does this affect me? I’m not designing the new iPod anytime soon.” This affects you because whether you’re are painter, or a musician or you run a business steam cleaning carpets, you have the ability to attract and lead a tribe. The internet has made the world flat when it comes to reaching people all over the world. If you’re a band, you can have your music available around the world for $20, if your a painter, you can sell prints online for 70% or more commission, if you just help people out of the truck of your car you can have a Facebook page and connect with likeminded people around the world.

Love Without Agenda loves heretics. We want to find people who look around their world and don’t connect with the way how most people see poverty as a incurable, people who don’t think that being Jesus to people means yelling and fighting about their favorite doctrine, and people who want to help, but don’t know where to start. This world needs more heretics, not the kinds that scream and yell at the establishment that they differ with—the ones that build Apple Computers, the ones that brink blankets to people sleeping outside, and the ones that do whatever should be done in your neighborhood (but isn’t).

Being this kind of heretic is both unbelievably painful and unbelievably rewarding.

If you are one, we’d love to get in touch with you.

Lucky for me i make my decisions based on my dreamer parts and get there using my engineer parts. First why, then how. Otherwise we lock dreams in reality and only read about them as stories.

When we adults opt out of important moments in the lives of kids, we rob them, their kids, and ourselves; we are fools to think anything is unseen.

So, the fun began with Jessie in our home.
My oldest son shared his solo bedroom. He no longer sat in the front seat of the car, Jessie did. He had someone older to watch older kid movies with. Sometimes they shared friends and play sports at a more mature level. He moved his role in the family as first born, to some extent. I dont think it was so easy for him. He listened to a LOT more talking than his brothers did. He listened to talking about bad hair days and feeling fat days. He helped her with math. She tells him he is smart, she is very expressive. He learns how to empathize and relate with well chosen words.

I observe kids “loving without agenda” better than adults. These kids did not chose their life thus far, they can barely understand their own emotions, cannot explain love and have not had perfect examples of it. But, they seem to be able to do it, in a dovetailed way…they each gave, based on the need of all for each moment. however, too much pressure could make them rebel from the whole program, i could sense as i watched over.

The younger boys have a new babysitter, always better than your own sibling for some reason. Jessie helped them learn to swim and comb their hair. She helped drew not be afraid of flushing our very loud old toilet that always overflowed. She laughs a lot, having learned to create calm in the midst of chaos, and so they trust her even though they get annoyed at being told to comb their hair and get off the computer.

My husband, a busy professional, has great acceptance of her. I wasnt sure how he would react to the new bathroom clutter and girl drama. He took her on family vacations without blinking an eye. He let her drive our car when that day came. We took her out to our regular sushi restaurant where the server asked us: where did you get that daughter? Jess is blonde, tall and thin. We are not.

I was being called mom. I went to cheerleading parent meetings. I shared clothing and makeup. I never had a sister or lived with girls. I learned about hair straightening and teepee’ing houses with cheer squad. Suddenly i had a daughter.

Jess had moved into a busy crowded home with much less free space. She came into a family unit from the outside, i cant really imagine what that would be like. underneath all of her positivity she must wonder about her worth, her self, her loveability? maybe this comes out in the form of ” i feel fat” or ” i hate my hair” conversations? We talked a lot. At first I didnt know what to say or how to help and listened to my heart which said ” just listen” dont fix. She just wants to be heard, valued and cared for. everyone else has answers. i listened, did try to get her to hear her own emotion, i know as a woman we need to mature enough to control them or we cause pain.

I didnt do it perfect. But I had faced my fear. My fear of heart damage. I guess I had just needed to let it go for a while. I knew that I have a high intimacy capacity which can fault into being too involved, or in psyc terms: enmeshed, with whom i care for. I feel deeply, and cry a lot. This can be too much for others. i dont have a pet because i dont want to get to attached to something i will need to let go. unnecessary heartbreak. this is not real love actually, and it is dangerous. loving Jessie meant that I would need to immediately pour full love and acceptance of all her parts, that had no agenda, no strings, no grades, no pictured outcome, no promise of health or damage, no happy ending; if i was to happily return her to her parents on day. I did still fear the heart break that day would bring.

All preplanned steps of love in packages were broken, revealing for me a new and better way:

My everyday agenda to my family would be to give love, and this love must have no agenda, to be love.

I did learn that i am both capable of loving and horrid and selfish. i was not able to be a snow white mom day in and day out. I had feared that this would ruin the kids, but they already loved us adults without agenda and i simply discovered so. Kids need honest humility and apology to bring this full circle, of course. Loving without agenda creates a space of grace in which this honesty and love can do its full work in our lives. Since the kids could accept me as ‘not snow white’ mom, i could accept me too, and i could love them with more of me not held back, and cycle of love without agenda is in constant learning motion.

That scary day of Jess moving on did come. She went to college and i had to move out of the bungalow. On her graduation day i sat in the background and her parents sat in the place of mom and dad, although divorced. I was so happy to see her and her mom be restored that i forgot about my broken heart, or the american eagle jacket with the fur collar that i wanted back. She is getting her masters in social work with a focus on elementary school kids. Maybe one day i can babysit and teach her kids to flush the toilet.

My friend Brad, who works here in the LWA offices, told me a saying that goes “1/3 of all things our parents believed when they were growing up…we will eventually find very silly”

Put this in that category.

Today marked the passing of the judge, Sylvia Pressler, who forced Little League to allow girls the opportunity to play baseball with boys. Apparently in 1973, little girls were not seen fit to play baseball, with or without little boys.

I’m reminded that this seemingly common sense thing—that we assume has always been—had to be fought hard for…and it (like all changes) was seen as both radical and deeply subversive at the time. I love the quote from the Little League on the court’s ruling (yes…Little league fought this tooth and nail…even appealing the ruling)

The ruling was decried by Little League as “conceived in vindictive and prejudicial fashion of the worst kind”

Amazing.

The story really puts change in perfect perspective. Change is never easy—even for something as innocent as letting kids plays together. Its the end of the world one day and then 20 years later its ‘normal’ and seen as common sense. Can you imagine this happening today? Now that sounds silly.

So please remember… if your out there fighting for something that seems common sense to you…

1. keep fighting!
2. because maybe it really is common sense— your just a generation early

Thank you Judge Sylvia Pressler.
Well done.

check out the whole story here: http://sports.espn.go.com/espn/news/story?id=4919055

Like we’ve said above, Love Without Agenda friends “Haiti Partners,” have ran an orphanage in Haiti and been a consistent partner in Port au Prince for over 15 years and are on the frontline of helping to rebuild and care for the people of Haiti. If you are able to, please consider supporting them on an ongoing basis financially and check out the projects they have been working on during this rebuilding process. Organizations like this are the life blood of Love Without Agenda. Please consider supporting.

http://www.haitipartners.org

A church, close friends, best man and maid of honor…at first glance, it’s what you’d expect to see at any wedding.

But if you look closer you will surely see, that this wedding is not like any other…it is perhaps one of the most beautiful weddings you will ever witness.

Let me tell you their story before I go further, let me paint the picture of who Tim and Jill are.

They met three years ago, she was alone and lost, he immediately reached out to help her.

He stayed by her side, always keeping watch, never expecting anything in return.

She had been scarred by love, vowing never to love again…but love has a way of sneaking in when you aren’t looking.

After three years together, he asked her to marry him, for he couldn’t imagine his life without her. She said “no” once, so he asked again, and again he heard that same answer. He asked her a third time, and again she told him “no”, but he didn’t let that stop him at all.

Determined to win her over, he told her these words, “I love you and I need you, please marry me and stay with me forever”. With that she melted, her heart completely opened up and she said “yes” to the man of her dreams.

So what’s so unique about what you have read? Their story isn’t much different than any other. It’s not their love that makes it unique, it’s the circumstances in which their love grew.

Tim came to live on the streets in Santa Ana, eleven years ago. The victim of a shooting, Tim lost his eye and a few teeth, his hearing in one ear too.

Jill came to this same place eight years after Tim. She had a stroke and her husband left her. Having stayed with friends long enough, she asked to be dropped off at the Civic Center, ready to find her own way.

They met that first day Jill walked up the stairs that led her right to her new home. Immediately Tim took to protecting her.

He kept her close by, helped her along, and they endured more than most couples face.

When you hear Tim talk about how much he loves her, and you see her tilt her head and smile at him, you forget you are looking at a couple that carries every possession with them. A couple who sleeps on concrete every night.

Fast forward to the present, we are arriving at the church, ready for their moment to begin.

If a stranger passed by and looked inside at this wedding, he might be confused for a moment.

He would see guests carrying backpacks, wearing old clothes, he would see some that hadn’t cleaned up in awhile.

But if you asked him to close his eyes first, to listen instead of seeing, this is what he would have heard…

A room full of people, laughing and talking…he would feel the love that is all around him.

And if he opened his eyes now his vision would clear…the differences in appearance wouldn’t even be seen.

People from all over came together for one purpose, to show unbiased love like Christ. From pitching in to buy the dress, driving the guests back and forth, one made a wedding cake from scratch just for them. Altering the dress, helping apply the makeup, even cooking a meal so they could enjoy a real reception.

He would witness the most beautiful wedding, he would hear a Pastor speak on love, he would look at the crowd and see it mixed with people who are “clean” and who aren’t.

He would hear our guests talk about how beautiful everything is, he would see how they felt just like you or me.

Speaking from my own perspective I would have to say that I have never experienced such an amazing outpouring of true love without agenda. The funny thing is, it really is effortless…we just have to get more people to see that. Can you imagine what could be done then?

Spencer’s heart for people and their pattern, Spencer’s take on the meaning of life, & Spencer’s observations and perspective about Jesus may shock you.

Hear founder of Love Without Agenda talk about his life & ideas towards building a better world for people.

Quite often i see life as a sport where love is the action, every moment like a ball thrown our way for us to practice the art of loving without agenda.

Jessie is in my life one of those wonderful moments, lived on.

I was total “koolaid mom”, lived on a block in suburbia in a 1920′s bungalow with charm all its own, its wooden red door always open for the neighborhood kids to become family with my 3 boys. We had tons of fun: made those tents from blankets and chairs on rainy days, ran around outside with sticks on all days, played baseball in the neighbors yard on nicer days and made stuff from playdough on special days. I made lots and lots of plates of grilled cheese sandwiches and swept lots and lots of crumbs.

Jessie is the only girl on the block, a couple years older than the crowd of elementary school boys; mostly happy that her super high energy and, in her teen girl mind, menacing little brother, was always at my place. She lived at first with both parents, then mom, then grandma, then dad. Troubles in her home the same as many folks encounter, her parents needing to leave home to take focused care of themselves at times. My heart had a desire to help whomever, whenever, as i could. Love as i had practiced so far.

One day Jess, then in middle school, left her home upset, high emotion and the family changes are a large load to bear on a 7th grade girl. She came to live with us. My husband agreed, my boys agreed and Jessies parents agreed that this healing space could help everyone. Agreement was important. And so she stayed

The “love and hopes and dreams” part of in me was sooo excited! A chance to help and to love this princess. Jessie is a strong, socially gifted, leader; beautiful inside and out girl. She is speaks her mind, makes her moves, and fights her fights. She touches hearts, loves deeply and gets mad. She has the most gorgeous curly shiny blonde hair and attractive athletic build. I want her to grow into seeing all this and finding a true purpose for it all.

The logical “engineer” part of me thinks thru the logistics-how are we going to make the dream happen for everyone? Does my family really understand what this means in terms of sacrifice? Will I ruin my relationship with Jessies parents in the long run? Do we have enough bathrooms and bedrooms?

The “perfectionist” in me wonders if I will fail, this is the real fear.
What if I cant love her correctly? What does this even mean? What does she need and can i give it to her and my family too? If i cant juggle this all i will prove that i am actually selfish and horrid and so this is a risk for me. –This is where my learning to love with Jessie begins.

Thus far I have loved her as it suited me, letting her enter my life as it fit rather well: watching the boys run around with sticks, cooking and doing some homework, telling her she is pretty. These things fit very well into my agenda –and that is a perfect step one.

One question stuck in my mind:
how do i love her freely and then let her go without ruining my own heart?
if i could not do this, then i would hold to tight and harm everyone; this as some justification for the real issue, if i am honest:

would i damage my heart?

This moment could teach me to love or prove me unable, will i attempt to enter the moment?

or find reason to “fake injury” or “cry foul” and not enter this moment?

and who would know if opted out?

we at LWA had a “photo shoot” thing the other day. first time for me. Brad, who does our photo and design and his team worked hard, did great.

the whole picture thing is not natural for me, im not a limelight person. but i write because i think i tapped into something deeper about me yesterday at “the photo shoot”

i not only fail to be one of those “picture perfect women”, i dont think i really  want to be? its not a fear. its a choice…………..

it was all about my hair…

i got the call to come take photos. i had just gotten my hair colored and had new aveda smoother products. AH! perfect!, i thought. i can be a perfect hair woman. i did the hair and makeup. all perfect like, highlights, shine, volume etc. and it felt….perfect.

not me. 

i live in chicago, and it was a cold and windy out (perfect hair ruin weather), so i walked to my photo shoot and did not bring a comb. hence, unperfect but clean and healthy messy hair. !

and so, i felt more like me. i wore a black tshirt, jewelry i love. and katie made me laugh and i felt like me in the pics. but i did not feel like other suburban women. i never do.  i dont look like any women on book covers, and certainly not gorgeous women in magazines-knew that.  i dont look like anchor women, or nature women, or sultry sexy women. for some reason part of me triggers into feeling like i should…….

and then it hit me as i walked home. i had my chance to be perfect hair lady, and  i messed it up. why?

for katie and sylvia and chris and debi and tricia and women i dont yet know, and me and my values i live by.

you see, i blog and i talk about love without agenda, about being measured by who we are inside. and you know that EVERY woman on this planet struggles with measuring up physically….even super models. it just doesnt matter. we want to be desired. we want to feel beautiful and loved. its not bad, the way we are created. men want to be desired too. all good,– IF– it fulfills itself correctly-which is a bit of a human struggle i’d say. but can we even hope to fulfill our desire correctly when we dont even desire ourselves?

the desire is not bad, the action is bad is when we measure ourselves against others, as i did yesterday and every day before and even now. i look at those “mirrors” of other women as my measure and so, i never measure up. oh im not against beauty and beautiful women and great pictures, that would be wrong thinking. i must love anothers beauty but not use it as a measure stick.

how can i tell young girls that they are accepted even if they  are “not perfect” if i create in me a mirror for them of the very same struggle. ? for their sake and mine, i need to be happily me. i am all for health and trying your best, this is not about excuses to be less than we can.

i want to mirror a healthy, authentic way to be at a personal best, and way to look more upon our insides and enjoy our outsides…. a part of what we around here call: love without agenda.