oh there’s a lot that we want to write about on our “moving from the suburbs to the city experience”:
change-growth-home-challenge-creativity-people-diversity-needs-letting go-working hard…….

but for today I just wanted to share some of our “thrifty fun” ideas.

Whether rich or poor, we are committed to using monies wisely, trying to recycle, repurpose, DIY, work hard with our own hands and live on less. This takes us a wonderful world of creative and collaborative people, which is super inspiring. For me it feels “healthy” and somehow “right”. I even discover more creativity inside of my own self when in this space.

In the past month we have:

-taken our old poker table..and made it into Spencer’s desk, using only a saw, screwdriver, strong arms and our secret tool: industrial velcro !

-took an old piece of barnwood that we found and made it into a table with: sandpaper, wipe on Read more...

Today my oldest of 3 sons turns 18. and i think back to all of the things that boys just do. because, they are boys. i guess. although of course, as we train our boys not to just throw food in the snow, i find a crazy beauty of manhood in such behaviors. and i know that without some of these male desires, the world would not have bridges or spaceships and airplanes, or meat.

life is choked by control. it is fed by guidance and nurture. i wonder if we sometimes choke men and actually just squeeze the life so that if it cant do what it was made to do, it then does what it was not made to do, for Read more...

In 2003 I started working at a small church in the Northwest Suburbs of Chicago. To be brutally honest it was dead. Why I was working there is a story for another blog, and another time… but for now we will just say that I felt like my efforts were best placed in this small, conservative, white church in Chicago. My plan simple. I was going to open the church to the local kids, become friends with them and love them.

I had no idea what was about to happen.

In the next 2 and a half years I was going to be flooded with hundreds [300 to 400 or so] of students–and their parents. Students from broken homes, immigrant homes, alcoholic and drug using homes, physical and sexual abuse situations…the list goes on and on.

Caucasians
African Americans
Mexicans
Puerto Ricans
Polish
Russians
Koreans

I had 6 languages in this group, English, Spanish, Polish, Read more...

i have gleaned little cues from behaviors, im sure you have too…
observed amongst a bunch of us who are growing and good people
..ways we are….things we do and say…. behaviors i see that made me ponder…..why?…what’s happening? to my generation. we exhibit:

low expectation of self
high expectation of others
low self esteem
high desire of control and position
burdened leaders
un-powered members
indifferent to the grossest of global need
desiring to be taught more than to learn
most people too busy to help
rich but no expendable income
loving with an agenda
more critical than grateful
sense of entitlement
independent mindset greater than whole group mindset
need of external joy
boredom within excess
being hungry and obese
addicts who who have graduated from the best help programs
lack of self Read more...

perfect opportunity for me to throw away some garbage that weve collected, mostly old sofas and random stuff people give us as hand me downs, which is thoughtful, and the reason that it is hard to get rid of old crap. inevitably someone will give reason as to why we should hold onto this or that just a little more.

i understand. but i also see the need for occasional executive decision. i did the same when my kids were little. we together decided to give away some of our one hundred stuffed animals to other kids who may have none. as we went thru the animals in order to share our over abundance of bunnies, cute puppies, beanie babies and pokemon, the children loved each one and found reason to keep each one, and “gave” what amounts to “not giving” a couple of animals from their cedar chest home. the animals were not played with, or even remembered until it was time to give them away. my lesson in learning to give was failing. and i gave up. i let the kids give what Read more...

addiction the prison
walls slowly built
a need that we feed
a deadly way
knowing full well
slowly lead astray
good hearts

it is well
we say
its just for today
i cant do it another way?

first a lie
then you try
not to cry
so you hide
your face from your deed

those who love you plead
but in your greed
for ecstasy
you cant see
love and life
grace
and the place
in the honesty of community
where together we can be free

trust now bust
a lot of pain
will remain
to all in reach of the breach
of the promise

somehow they must
find a way
to still be grace
in the space
where now pain has taken hold
if not bold, we grow old
angry and bitter

finding the way
we can stay
fitter
for  life
filled with strife
we become Read more...

He is ready to leave home in the summer.

this is what we raise them to do, to be ready to go out on their own.

as i saw the moment come where i realized that he is beyond ready
for he will do better outside of my home

i guess i did not expect this moment but i now see
that real readiness is when his growth is possibly inhibited by my constant Read more...

i answered : IN BETWEEN

Because i love the process of growth. see, its not so much the plateau, the year, the ability, the freedom, the intelligence, the fun,the control or the lack of difficulty that i seek, but the process of going from one to the other.

i find it interesting that people love:
heros
overcomers
winners
successes
intimacy
romance
rags to riches
underdogs
bootstrap stories
the mighty ducks
disney movies

we love to hear the story of the one who started low, and ended high.
we dream romantic dreams of being one of “those” heros.
we long for intimacy
we value the athlete who overcame a weakness above the one with natural talent.

yet we so often live our daily life rushing thru process ourselves. impatiently rushing to the next….anything.
looking at the next step so much that we miss the one we are on.

the real beauty is not Read more...